Today marks the end of another chapter of my life--the Grendel chapter, that is. All the headache, stress, and confusion that comes with growing up was condensed into this little novel, and we were lucky (?) enough to go through this intensive maturation phase in just under a month. Don't get me wrong, the novel was brilliant and wonderfully written--you could tell that the work came from the thoughts of a modern thinker, not an old hag that we couldn't possibly relate to. Grendel's struggle between two different forces--faulty religion and depressing existentialism--is part of the search for identity that all pre-adolescents face, even if it isn't as intense or even conscious. These questions of "Where do I belong? Why am I here? What's the point of my existence? What's the point of existence in the first place?" pass through our minds at some point, and some days we feel better than others about not knowing the answers to any of these questions.
But what is John Gardner saying about this transitory period in the human life through Grendel? I mean, the fact that Grendel was actually more than an evil monster doesn't change the end result; Beowulf still destroys Grendel. Is Gardner saying that our angsty selves will be the cause of our destruction, that we never really get out of the role and identity phase until the day we die? Look at Grendel. So philosophical and insightful, knowing the pros and cons of both religious and existentialist intentions, yet he ends up a hallucinating creature who doesn't know right fromm wrong…basically he goes crazy juggling all these ideas in this head and not finding a solid use for them. I like to imagine him like a chicken running around with its head cut off. And what's Beowulf's role in all of this? Is he a force to be reckoned with? A savior from our own thoughts?
What is a savior? Is he one who enlightens you, or one that destroys you to ease the pain?
Too many questions, too little words to answer them with. Reading this book was a whirlwind of these unnamed emotions that I frankly have a hard time describing (it's safe to say that this confession is a good indicator of how poorly I'll do on the timed writing). It is a physical tug of the heart, to decide between a comforting but lying religion, a truthful but futile existentialism. How do you choose between two extremes?
I think this is where Beowulf becomes an integral part of the story, even though he only takes up two chapters and does nothing but stare vaguely out into space and rip Grendel's arm off. Beowulf is able to live because he never actually chooses. His few (but important) lines of dialogue showcase his thoughts of life, a mix between the dragon's and Shaper's rants. Although he accepts the futility of life as the dragon sees fit, he rejects the notion of the meaninglessness of it. A Shaper's hope transmitted in religion is then taken by Beowulf and interpreted as a hope of impact and identity within each human being. He has the ability to control his own destiny, illustrated when he claims that "time is the hand that makes." Not quite the aim that a Shaper was going for, since it doesn't mention any religious fate that each man and woman has in this world, but it gives each of us an opportunity to do what we please in this life and be proud of it. This completely changes the backbone of the dragon's futility theorem, where the infinite span of time makes the impact of man infinitesimal. In Beowulf's opinion, time is in our own hands, something we create that expounds on our goals and achievements. Time doesn't rule us; we rule it.
The winner of this battle of the philosophies goes to Beowulf, for being able to accept the Shaper and dragon within without throwing himself off a cliff to dull the pain. Acquiring knowledge is only one part of being successful, as seen in Plato's Cave Allegory. If he had just let that prisoner free, out into the world, then of course he wouldn't have an impact on mankind. He'd just be…there. Standing, sitting, whatever it is freed prisoners like to do. But going back to your origin, your people, and trying to enforce this knowledge, accommodate it to your own beliefs to find your own truth in this crazy world, is what determines heroism and success. Beowulf does exactly that; he has a dragon's knowledge but a religious heart, like Grendel. Unlike Grendel, he morphs the two to be in agreement with his own beliefs. He spreads this knowledge to those willing to listen to it. I can't say the same for Grendel, who berates his own mind for acquiring knowledge, but does nothing about it, remains inactive. Beowulf represents the ideal freed prisoner that crawls back into the cave, to spread his knowledge. Grendel only toys around with it, lives through it.
Thus, John Gardner presents us with two possibilities--the Grendel complex or the Beowulf complex. You can technically survive through either one, and neither actually guarantees a certain level of happiness that every living being hopes for in this world. Your desire for initiative will define the type of hero you are. Do you want to live a life full of 'useless' knowledge, knowing that you won't spread your thoughts with others? Or do you want to do something about it? It isn't necessarily saying that we've answered any of the questions listed above, but we have a basic idea of how to go about answering it, without getting to the answer. And knowing how to get there will at least give you the incentive you need to find an answer, and this gives you that purpose that makes life so meaningful.
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